(Non-)Lit Crit

[muninnhuginn]

We got the first missive of the year from Looby Loo's school yesterday. Sigh. Well, we've resisted until now, but here goes.

In passing, I note that this year we're being addressed "Dear Parents" and not "Dear Parent/Carer".

To begin, below a centred heading in bold text of the same size as the body text stating "Newsletter" (emboldened and underlined), the first sentence states "On behalf of the whole staff here at Priory Lawns (not the real name, of course) may I welcome you back to school and hope you had a wonderful summer holiday." Refraining from enquiring about the health of the less than whole staff, I wonder about the sentence structure: "may I welcome ... and hope". May I hope? Well, you may, but I see no reason why you need ask first.

"New windows have replaced those nasty metal monstrosities in the dining hall...". I'm being unfair, maybe, but I do prefer active constructions--and the use of one here would prevent me from asking what replacement did the new windows supply.

Two sections follow with centred headings in larger type. The second, "Absences and Lateness" runs: "May I remind parents, that [a comma preceding "that"?] as the Government and local authority [initial capital on government but not on local authority?] guidelines on absences have been considerably strengthened and court action has been taken over children who are poor attenders." "As the ... guidelines have been ... strengthened ..." what? Where's the main clause? The paragraph continues: "The procedure at this school is quite straightforward;" Semicolon? I'd prefer a colon or even, in the light of what follows, a full stop.

The next paragraph goes: "When your child is unwell we ask that you either ring the school as soon as possible in the morning that your child is absent. [Or? we ask. Or?] If your child is not in school or [ah! an "or". An "and" is more appropriate here, no?] we have not heard from you by 10.00 we will contact you by phone. If you have changed your telephone number recently, please let the school office know." Was the forgotten alternative instructions for those without a phone? I'm sure there are some folk--even these days--who don't have one. I might give School Office initial caps too, but that's a minor detail.

We'll skip the next couple of paragraphs, pausing only to note the construction "on the playground" where I might just have used "in..." and the "Authority" ("who will take action") which now merits an initial capital (assuming we are meant to understand the LEA by this).

I understand that my literal mindedness is severe and incurable. However, the picture painted by "The school has a very attractive uniform for sale" of a single set of clothes on offer--on a first-come-first-served basis?--is highly amusing. The heading, "Uniform", is not in larger type.

Over the page we go, for: "Security in School" (text in body size). Due to the "recent tragic events in Russia" [a bit reactive, this? and whilst security is important and ought to be reviewed as a matter of course, we don't have many Chechen rebels lurking round here] there's been "a review of our polices". Yup, the school apparently has its own forces of law and order on hand to deal with any threat to security.

The section continues: "We are a very welcoming school and of course, [if there's a comma here, a comma between "school" and "of" might be expected] we are delighted to see parents after school. If you wish to discuss anything that concerns your child." What's that full stop doing between "school" and "if"?

Finally, on to "Dates for your Diaries". This has a list of dates (October's are not entirely chronological) in the middle of which is an entire section entitled "Celebrity Teacher Filming Begins": "London Weekend Television has commissioned a television programme in which celebrities working under the strict guidance of the teachers and school, [with a comma here, I'd expect one between "celebrities" and "working"] become teachers for a week." Later it says: "The classes chosen will be Mr B's, Miss S's and Miss M." Not Miss M's? "The celebrities will be expected to teach lessons according to the National Curriculum and the school polices." Ah, those law enforcers again. Can't get away from them! And on the subject of polices, the security policy states that the doors will be locked from 9.05 until home time to ensure "no one can get in except via reception [initial capital for Reception?] and "There can be no exceptions to this rule." [their underlining] One wonders how this will work with camera crew and production staff and the panoply of a TV production company on site. (I think I'll reserve commenting on celebrity TV films for another post.)

And that's about it. The apostrophes were correct. The tone was less hectoring than some examples we received last year. The layout is inconsistent and the structure is a little broken. It failed, hoever, to imply the exact opposite of what it intended.

Facetiousness aside, should I care about this? It's only a note from school, when all's said and done. I understood it. It even provided my warped and picky mind with a certain amount of amusement. But does it matter? It's part of how the school presents itself: were it a fee-paying school, I'd be seriously wondering about what it was providing for my dosh. It's presumably read by the older children, as well as by their parents, and is therefore one example of "official" English for them: these children will be tested on their own grammar and spelling as part of the various key stages. So, should I care? Should I do anything about it?

Hah! A poll! A poll!

[Poll #347026]

Comments

[rowanf.livejournal.com]

Arghh! And then to make a typo in my comment! The shame of it all.

[muninnhuginn]

There's no preview and spell checking on polls, so typos are excusable.

"Alumi"? That's bright points of light, all bright sparks from their very own alma mater?

Useful Comments, all

[muninnhuginn]

I've thought about offering my services, but I'd guess it would be encroaching on the paid (pay, that'd be nice) domain of the school secretary/ies (assuming that these notes are word processed by the secretaries rather than by the headmaster).

I'd considered going to the papers with it: but the local press is pretty illiterate too. (Yes I dissect that,too--and I've been known to do the same to Ceefax pages too. Sad, I know.) I'm not sure what good it would do. I'm trying to resist the obvious temptation to raise Cain just for the hell of it.

Amusing the teachers would be nice, tho'.