"When you are simply maintaining, the world is at a loss"

[muninnhuginn]

I don't often point out stuff I've read outside of the monthly list, but I found this article, I have stage four cancer – there will be no cure, but death isn’t necessarily imminent: this is how it feels to live in the long middle, resonated. (Apart from the faith as succour/loss of faith bit: lazy unbelief renders that moot). I find that invisibility of cancer as a chronic illness quite tough. The mismatch between apparent restored good health and the ongoing existence of treatment, testing, four-spoons-a-day energy is difficult to negotiate: there's a great desire to go along with folk's assumptions about one's wellness, to not remind folk of the ongoing situation. And that's tough for everyone, because once in a while the facts do have to be reiterated--and it's like breaking the bad news all over again.
Also, what is it with folk objecting to my belief in my own prognosis, as if accepting, living the maintenance treatment is something they can reject on my behalf? Fear, of course, but it's immensely annoying.
But, anyway, a better summation of how I am, where I'm at, than I could've done myself. And useful as I cosider whether to resign earlier in the year, rather than hold out to the end of the year and my 60th.

Comments

[spiralsheep]

I hear you, especially (for me) from the article: "the art of being disagreeable enough to protect my own peace from the well-meaning but exhausting attentions of others. There is a particular invisibility to this existence. Friends assume I am “fine” because I look luminous, unaware of the two hours of horizontal rest required before I can leave the house". And I share your lazy unbelief (apatheist here, in case you don't know the word).

"Also, what is it with folk objecting to my belief in my own prognosis, as if accepting, living the maintenance treatment is something they can reject on my behalf? Fear, of course, but it's immensely annoying."

Yes.

I hope you find joy in transitioning from doing to being, or whatever framework you prefer for descriptions. :-)

[sonia]

Wow. People are sure something, objecting to your belief in your own prognosis. I'm sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything.

Thanks for the article link, and best wishes for your decision around when to resign.